Why?
by tardislove
Summary: This is my take on what happens post season finale. Part of a character study I did. D/Jo because soulmates are meant to be.
1. Joey

_Questions swirling through my head_

_I feel myself fading away_

_When is enough, enough?_

_When will this end?_

_Why is this happening to me?_

_Is there Hope?_

_Do I have a future?_

I keep seeing him in the streets. I whirl around and shout "Dawson!" willing the man with the wavy hair or the bright eyes to come running back to me. But I'm mistaken. Its my mind playing tricks on me. My psychologist friend Trish thinks that I'm projecting my worries about Pacey and my guilt for leaving Dawson into this personification of him. It can't be him.**  
**

2,791 mi, that's how far away he is. I looked it up. I was just curious...

I asked Pacey if he had talked to Dawson lately. He said no, distracted, and went back to doing, Whatever it was that he was doing.

We're both so distracted now. All that holds us together is a few strands of foreign memories.

When those break...

We used to do everything together, now we're just two people who are cohabiting the same place. We could be causal acquaintances sharing a room, for the most part...

The other day he had coffee with a friend from the restaurant. He told me about it, of course it wasn't til afterwards that I found out that that friend was a young lady. It doesn't bother me. I feel numb. I do wonder Why though.

Does he feel the same way that I do? Are we both only staying for the other person?

Why do I keep seeing Dawson? Is he haunting me?

I feel so lost.

Ages ago this is something that I would have talked to Dawson about. We would have talked for hours about my subconscious, and the Whys of it, and when we were done we would still be right were we started but somehow that was always ok. I miss that; I miss how we could talk for hours about nothing. Pacey and I have trouble saying three sentences to each other every day. The rest of the time we sit in strained, distracted silence. Thinking about other things, pretending that's its all ok.

I miss how comfortable Dawson and I could be in the silence, just sitting there together.

But I'm stuck here.

I love about Pacey, I just can't help wonder...

Is there more to love than this?

Dawson always thought that true love was something magical and wonderful. Something that you never gave up on. If that's how he felt then, Why did he let me go?  
Why do I care?  
Do I have this love with Pacey?  
If I do then why do I keep seeing Dawson?

Why do I keep wanting to see Dawson?

Why?

_You know how the story goes__  
We've heard it many times before__  
Boy meets Girl  
__Meant to Be  
Friends forever  
Meant to be  
The story goes downhill from here  
Downhill from here  
Do you know what you mean to me?  
Meant to be_

You and Me  
Peanut Butter and Jelly  
Meant to be  
Macaroni and Cheese  
Meant to Be  
Ketchup and Fries  
_Meant to Be  
Friends til we die  
You and me  
We're Meant to Be_

_Meant to be_

_Meant to be_

**AN: This came out more disjointed then I originally wanted, but I like how it turened out. It is truly a Dawson/Joey story at heart, but take from it what you will. This Joey's point of view, as she tries to firgure things out. The next Chapter will be from Dawson's perspective, then a final chapter from Pacey.  
**


	2. Dawson

CH 2

_A hundred days had made me older  
since the last time that I've saw your pretty face_

_A thousand lights had made me colder and I don 't think I can look at this the same_

_But all the miles had separate  
They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face_

_I 'm here without you baby  
but your still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
and I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
but your still with me in my dreams  
And tonight it's only you and me_

_The miles just keep rollin  
as the people either way to say hello  
I've heard this life is overrated  
but I hope that it gets better as we go_

_Everything I know,  
and anywhere I go  
it gets hard but it won't take away my love  
And when the last one falls,  
when it's all said and done  
it get hard but it won't take away my love_

_I 'm here without you baby  
but your still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
and I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
but your still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl it's only you and me _

The dream always starts out the same way. We're lying together, curled up, perfect contentment permeates my entire being. I could stay like this forever. She turns to me leaning on her arm draped over my shoulder, She smiles and says 'I love you more than anything else in the world. I am yours and you are mine.'  
She kisses me on the lips, softly, sweetly, longingly. But then she starts to pull away. She smiles at me winningly, her eyes dancing she backs away from me, my body following her without my mind even thinking about it, needing her warmth.  
Then the room around us starts to fade and we're standing in an open plane. Her hand which was previously held firmly in mine begins to slip out of my hand and she pulls away sadly.

The Game is over now, this is serious.

'Follow me" she says, "I can show you the way." and she starts to run.  
At first I stand still in shock. Then I begin the chase.

She is always just out of my reach.

She is ever in front of me and I constantly reach out to her, calling her, begging her to come back to me, she turns and looks at me wistfully. But then she runs on. I need her. Sometimes pulling ahead, sometimes she's so close that I can taste her, but each time she gets closer to me again something in her seems to be so far away.

She starts to be distracted by things on the sidelines.

Finally I think that I've caught up to her. She turns to me and crumples before my eyes.  
'Save me' she whispers  
I am lost. I whirl around bewildered as to what I should do.  
And every night, it is at this point, as I bend down to sweep her up into my arms, that I wake up with a start.

It happened the other night when I had a woman here. I should have been embarrassed to see her as I awoke;  
Some woman I hardly even know gathering her scattered clothes from across the room.  
She looks at me with something akin to pity in her eyes.  
Her voice breaks the uneasy silence. "My name is Jackie."  
I should have been embarrassed.

I didn't start out this way.  
There was a time when I loved one woman with all my heart and soul.  
She made me believe in true love. But at the same time severed all my hopes of ever loving again.

Was I simply mistaken in the folly of my youth to think that the emotions that I was feeling were true love?

In my heart of hearts I can't believe this. It was a once in a lifetime, exhilarating feeling.

After Joey, my beautiful Joey, I tried to move on. I tried as hard as I could. Even now I fight to forget about her.  
Perhaps I chase her in this dream that I can't shake, but here in the real world I'm the one that's running.

Why do I keep trying to run?

I'm writing a movie. Its dark and angsty. My agent thinks that I'm wasting my time on this project; a project that is doomed to fail just like the lovers that inhabit its pages. I've lost my inspiration.

I need Joey. The thought hits me like lightning bolt. I am lost without her.

But after all I've done, Why would she want me?

I made so many mistakes before. I didn't understand that there is no guarantee. It doesn't always work out in the end.  
I know that now.  
I know that I need to try.

Am I foolish to be doing this? To try and recreate a High School Love affair?

Maybe, but if this is true love then it deserves a chance. True Love is something that you never give up on.

_Dream on, dream on  
Dream yourself a dream come true  
Dream on, dream on  
Dream until your dream come true  
Dream on, dream on, dream on..._

**AN: this chpt contain several things not written or owned by me. the song in italics at the beginning is from Here Without You by Three Doors Down. Dream on came from Aerosmith's Dream On. I also Don't Own Dawson's Creek or any of the characters that I am playing with. I don't think that I said that before.  
That being said: Love it? Hate it? Don't Care? Think that I'm an idiot for shipping Dawson/Joey?  
Review!**


	3. Pacey

_It's a shame that it had to be this way__  
__It's not enough to say I'm sorry__  
__It's not enough to say I'm sorry_

_Maybe I'm to blame__  
__Or maybe we're the same__  
__But either way I can't breathe__  
__Either way I can't breathe_

_All I had to say is goodbye__  
__We're better off this way__  
__We're better off this way_

_I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive__  
__Cause everything we've been through__  
__And everything about you__  
__Seemed to be a lie__  
__A guiltless twisted lie__  
__It made me learn to hate you__  
__Or hate myself for letting it pass by_

I knew it would happen.  
I just didn't know when.

No one can stand in way of the Great Dawson and Joey love affair.

I could feel her starting to pull away.

I don't know how to deal with that, so I used the famous Pacey protection method to shield myself,  
I started pulling away on my own, to put distance between us for the inevitable.

We were trying to make it work on borrowed time.  
I wanted to make it work. I really did. I wanted to make her happy but I can never seem to make it last.

Sometimes I wonder Why I even tried.

I never really thought that we would could be forever.

Why did I stay even when I could see that she wanted him?  
Do you know what its like to look into a woman eyes and see her wish that you were someone else?  
To watch her stare out the window searching for her prince, knowing that I can never be that guy?

Once I was that guy. I did care at one point.

Why did we fall apart?  
How did we get here?  
Was it really her?  
Or was it me?

I just got so tired of trying.

Then Dawson swept in on his white horse, and whisked her off into his magical world were everything is perfect.

I was relieved. It just wasn't working anymore.

I knew it would happen.  
I just didn't know when.

I saw them awhile back. Perfectly happy in there perfection.

I'm glad for them.

All I ever wanted was for her to be happy. Now she is.

_  
__All I had to say is goodbye__  
__We're better off this way__  
__We're better off this way__  
__All I had to say is goodbye__  
__We're better off this way__  
__We're better off this way_

_It's time to say goodbye__  
__It's time to say goodbye__  
__It's time to say goodbye__  
_**_Goodbye_**

**  
AN: So this is probably the shortest chapter, sorry for that. The lyrics at the beginning and end are from Secondhand Serenade's Goodbye. Awesome band. I'm not that great at endings so let me know what you think. Yes that means this is The End. Thanks for the sweet reviews that I've gotten.**


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